Now that 2012 is here, everyone has at least once thought about the end of the world. Some people have crazier theories than others, but I find all of these theories very entertaining. I personally do not believe that the world will end this year…the thought seems utterly ridiculous to me, but with all the different theories out there it sure is fun to think about.
Over the next couple months I will be giving you a step by step guide on how to survive each one of these catastrophes. First, I absolutely love zombies. So the idea that the apocalypse will start with a disease that turns everyone into flesh craving monsters, is by far my favorite. If this were to happen, here are my suggestions for survival:
1. Trust needs to be earned- When there is a possibility that you could be eaten at any moment, and you just had your own mother sprint at you with flesh hanging from her teeth, you probably aren’t going to be very keen on trusting people. Just one bite could turn your best friend into your worst enemy, so BEWARE.
2. I am going to take my next suggestion from the movie Zombieland. “Double Tap” is by far the most important rule. Unless you’re a military sniper and can off a zombie in one shot hitting him right between the eyes, then you better start following the double tap rule. One shot to take it down, and then another right in the head.
3. Be aware of your surroundings- Don’t just go running around a zombie filled world with your head up your ass. Check the back seat, check behind doors, keep track of where you are and most importantly, always know a way out. If you don’t know what’s going on around you, you’re going to be a zombie chew toy in no time.
4. Be in Shape- Cardio, cardio, cardio. If you’re going to make a new years resolution for this year, get your butt in shape. When there’s zombies everywhere you’re going to be doing a lot of moving around, probably running most of the time. If you can’t beat your five year old nephew in a foot race, then you probably won’t be able to out run a zombie. Just so you know, I’m not trying to be cruel because your fat, I’m overweight too. I have accepted the fact that I will probably be some of the first zombie kibble in the history of zombie kibble, but I don’t believe this will happen anyways so….oh well.
5. Pack Heat- You can’t really get into a fist fight with a zombie, you probably won’t want to get that close, so you’re going to need to pack some heat. Don’t get the biggest gun ever, that’s stupid. Are you really going to lug that thing around with you everywhere while zombies are chasing you? Psh, good luck with that. My suggestion is to get something light, that has ammo that is easy to come by, and that holds a lot of bullets at once.
Well, these are my suggestions. Good luck, god bless and remember these five rules. I’ll be back next week with more ways to survive…THE APOCALYPSE OF 2012!!!!