Nostradamus Effect

Nostradamus is well known for his prophecies about the future of our world. He has predicted many devastating events well before they occurred. Nostradamus gained many followers after predicting the death of Princess Diana and the assassination of JFK, as well as 9/11, the Challenger disaster and the rise of antichrists such as Adolf Hitler. He said there would be three antichrist leaders to come to power total but the third is still unknown. As far as what Nostradamus predicts for 2012, his prophecies link to a possible flood, a comet that would crash into earth and a whole list of other natural disasters.

Now that NASA is no longer receiving funding, a comet would be a very hard disaster to avoid. Even though many see space exploration as a want and not a need for our country right now, to me it seems essential to have that option, especially in this kind of apocalyptic scenario. So the first step to avoiding a Nostradamus predicted apocalypse, would be to resume NASA funding.

The idea of a great flood seems so Noah’s Ark to me but after Hurricane Katrina and all the other natural disasters our world has been experiencing, it does not seem that unlikely anymore. If many of the volcanoes that reside under the oceans erupted in unison or even gradually, it would create such disturbance and turbulence in the oceans that giant waves would start coming towards shore, eventually flooding much of the world. As far as I know, there are few preventative measures for this kind of disaster, most of which require a lot of money, so I’m definitely screwed. If you happen to be rich, here are your tips for survival, cough*screw you*.

  1. Have a lot of money. Buy a really big and really nice boat that you could live in possibly for the rest of your life. Stockpile it will food, water and dry clothing.

 

  1. Have even more money. A private jet headed to a mountain far above sea level is your best bet at surviving a great flood. If you have enough money to set a plan like this in motion, then good for you.

 

  1. Location, Location, Location. This one is for the less financially fortunate but location, obviously, is quite important. Build yourself a mountainside safe house, preferably waterproof, and stockpile it with necessities.

 

Well I didn’t have very many but these are your tips for surviving the Nostradamus predicted flood. The key here is to have money and be a hoarder…two things that do not often go together, haven’t you seen Hoarders on TLC? Anyway, good luck with that 🙂

 

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Zombie Apocalypse

Now that 2012 is here, everyone has at least once thought about the end of the world. Some people have crazier theories than others, but I find all of these theories very entertaining. I personally do not believe that the world will end this year…the thought seems utterly ridiculous to me,  but with all the different theories out there it sure is fun to think about.

Over the next couple months I will be giving you a step by step guide on how to survive each one of these catastrophes. First, I absolutely love zombies. So the idea that the apocalypse will start with a disease that turns everyone into flesh craving monsters, is by far my favorite. If this were to happen, here are my suggestions for survival:

1. Trust needs to be earned- When there is a possibility that you could be eaten at any moment, and you just had your own mother sprint at you with flesh hanging from her teeth, you probably aren’t going to be very keen on trusting people. Just one bite could turn your best friend into your worst enemy, so BEWARE.

2. I am going to take my next suggestion from the movie Zombieland. “Double Tap” is by far the most important rule. Unless you’re a military sniper and can off a zombie in one shot hitting him right between the eyes, then you better start following the double tap rule. One shot to take it down, and then another right in the head.

3. Be aware of your surroundings- Don’t just go running around a zombie filled world with your head up your ass. Check the back seat, check behind doors, keep track of where you are and most importantly, always know a way out. If you don’t know what’s going on around you, you’re going to be a zombie chew toy in no time.

4. Be in Shape- Cardio, cardio, cardio. If you’re going to make a new years resolution for this year, get your butt in shape. When there’s zombies everywhere you’re going to be doing a lot of moving around, probably running most of the time. If you can’t beat your five year old nephew in a foot race, then you probably won’t be able to out run a zombie. Just so you know, I’m not trying to be cruel because your fat, I’m overweight too. I have accepted the fact that I will probably be some of the first zombie kibble in the history of zombie kibble, but I don’t believe this will happen anyways so….oh well.

5. Pack Heat- You can’t really get into a fist fight with a zombie, you probably won’t want to get that close, so you’re going to need to pack some heat. Don’t get the biggest gun ever, that’s stupid. Are you really going to lug that thing around with you everywhere while zombies are chasing you? Psh, good luck with that. My suggestion is to get something light, that has ammo that is easy to come by, and that holds a lot of bullets at once.

Well, these are my suggestions. Good luck, god bless and remember these five rules. I’ll be back next week with more ways to survive…THE APOCALYPSE OF 2012!!!!

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